some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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