nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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