Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
