your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
