I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Are we in a gay sports bar?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
