The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize