Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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