tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
