I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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