Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
