??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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