We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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