Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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