I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize