I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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