i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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