That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
