he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
