so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
