Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
