i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
