dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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