i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
