it wasn't lemon gatorade
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
