You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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