she woke up with a sticky ear
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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