Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
