do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
