So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
