Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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