She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize