It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do herpes really smell.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
