It's Friday. Sex?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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