O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
