I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
