those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
