thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
