watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
