i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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