when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
