Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize