When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
