Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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