R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
