If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it glows. i had to have it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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