nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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