dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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