Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
