Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
