he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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