Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
