Pappa wants mamma naked
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
