i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
