She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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