after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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