you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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