did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
