she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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