it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
