Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i think my cat just said my name.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
