her vagine was all disorganized.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
