You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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