I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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