these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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