I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is Oprah even human
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize