I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
