it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
