I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
