Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
