You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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