He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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