I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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