I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
