I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I checked into jail on foursquare
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
