He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize