So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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