you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
