but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
