The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
