Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize