i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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