okay pat passed out under dana's car
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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