So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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