Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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