Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
