Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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