im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
