Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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