Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
