We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
