I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize