..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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