Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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