all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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