Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude. I can hear the air.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
